Dear Ezra Miller, We’d Like You To Wear The ‘Puffer Cock’

The first Monday in May can’t come soon enough. Why? Central Saint Martins students in the design program just showed their work in a group fashion show called the Initiation White Show 2018, and there were a number of showstopping #lewks that would be perfectly suited for the Met Gala’s camp theme next year. However, as always, there was one breathtaking garment that really blew us away. One that possessed an energy, a very specific type of energy. The brand of energy that we’re talking about here is BDE. And we’re already imagining who could do it justice on the red carpet.

Behold: The Puffer Cock. CSM students are known for their cutting-edge aesthetics, but first-year design major Olly Shinder is in a freeqiii league all of his own. While his classmates sent pretty and architectural, all-white outfits down the Initiation runway with ruffles and tulle, Shinder opted to show a big, stark white, inflated phallus. He paired it with a “muscle puffer.” A bold look, indeed. But we think our avant-garde queen Ezra Miller could do it justice, given his penchant for weird and wonderful red carpet moments, notwithstanding the head-to-toe Moncler puffer coat he recently wore to the Fantastic Beasts premiere. And, of course, his BDE. And honestly, what better occasion than the Met Gala to wear a look like this, with a camp theme no less.

If you’re still saying, “no” to The Puffer Cock, then allow us to try and persuade you otherwise:

Ezra, if you’re reading this, please, consider The Puffer Cock.