It’s everyone’s worst nightmare. If you live anywhere where there are multi-level buildings that are either very tall or very modern, you probably dread the unlikely incident of the elevator getting stuck while you’re in it. Considering it’s a standing room-only steel cage, the fear is pretty justified, and the reality is that it can happen to any of us—even Frank Ocean.
On Thursday, the singer shouted out the New York Fire Department on Instagram, posting a security footage screen-grab of him sitting crossed-legged on an elevator floor. “Tea time stuck on an elevator,” he captioned the image, “much love to the FDNY!” One could pose many queries: How long was he stuck? Did he really have tea or was he referring to the British slang for “dinner”? If the latter, did he have dinner in the elevator? Was he lonely? And most importantly: If you had been with him, which Frank Ocean songs might you and Frank Ocean indulge in together?
These are questions that need answers, and while we can’t provide all of them, we can create a soundtrack for your and Frank’s impending elevator experience that hopefully alleviates stress and bonds the two of you forever. If you’re stuck for longer than 10 songs, just play on loop. You have nothing but time.
You’re scared, you’re late, you need to get where you’re going. Let “White Ferrari” calm you down and allow you to simultaneously embrace your mutual melancholy. Now is the time for the two of you to be over-contemplative—and usher in an existential breakdown.
Time for a change of pace. Early Frank is excellent Frank, and the head-nodding bop that is “Novocane” will have you two nostalgic for his early days, therein easing any remaining tension.
3. “Facebook Story”
This will provoke some interesting conversation: What does constitute acceptable online behavior when dating in the digital age? Also, who really is Sebastian, the mysterious Frenchman lending his voice to the track?
4. “Miss You So”
Here’s when you’re going to get into the good stuff: the Lonny Breaux Collection, one of Frank’s early mixtapes. “Miss You So,” the most-covered track from the album, wouldn’t be my first choice, but unfortunately most of Lonny Breux Collection has been scrubbed from YouTube (why?).
You’re comfortable now, so it’s time to wade into the classics. “Pyramids” is objectively one of the greatest songs ever written, and certainly one of the highlights from Frank Ocean’s discography. Enjoy the many twists and turns of the tune, together.
6. “Swim Good”
While you’re still on a high note, the intoxicating beat of “Swim Good” is the perfect next track to further intensify your relationship. This is a good time for you to perhaps plug your cousin’s burgeoning rap career, and suggest a remix. Laugh as Frank politely declines.
7. “Super Rich Kids”
This contribution is solely to ask Frank whether he is more partial to Dan Humphrey or Seth Cohen. Keep Chuck Bass out of the conversation.
Tell Frank you’re very proud of him for this song.
The atmosphere is intensifying. You haven’t been able to contact any potential rescuers, you don’t know when this elevator is going to start moving, and even with Frank Ocean, it’s still an elevator and you’re still stuck. Bring things back down to earth with “Lens V2.” A little Travis Scott will mix things up.
You’re getting out. Time to celebrate.