If you’re a woman currently between the ages of 16 and 35, living in either metropolitan center, beach town, or anywhere with smooth tar-seal, chances are you’ve dated a skater (if you haven’t, I salute you, but chances are you didn’t click this article!). There was Brendan, the guy who couldn’t text back ever because “my bad, I was skating all day,” only to show up to your house uninvited to take a shower. Then Aaron, who would act like buying you a beer-shot combo was the height of chivalry. And who could forget Trey, who brushed his teeth once a week with a Modelo and was this close to going pro—but also rapped and shot Super 8 skate videos on the side, just in case that didn’t quite pan out. Despite your best efforts, each ollie’d their way into your heart and stayed there, until one of you inevitably ghosted the other. It’s the skate-circle of life.
Thankfully, there is someone who understands your pain. @Tinyhat_Skatelife is the meme account that rips skaters apart—from their tiny hats (hence the name) down to their over-worn checker vans. Though the brains behind the account opts to remain anonymous, she can reveal that she’s a Bushwick-based 23-year-old graphic designer, and began the account in a “petty” attempt to avenge her broken heart after being (you guessed it) ghosted by her skater paramour. It took off. From Bella Hadid’s “Homeboy could like…get it” sneaker shopping video, to the rise of the ‘starter pack‘ meme, there was much fodder for format inspiration and each post became more relatable than the last. Less than a year later, the account has garnered close to 50,000 dedicated disciples and shows no sign of slowing down. Below, @Tinyhat_Skatelife weighs in on faking skate fashion and why one should avoid dating skaters at all cost.
Can you break down the appeal of tiny hats?
“It’s hard to decipher. Tiny hats have been around forever. But now it’s just a trend. It’s just sort of an identifier, regardless if you care or not you make the effort to double-cuff your hat. A lot of skaters will tell you they just don’t like the feeling of the hat on their ears, but that’s just bullshit.”
Skaters are known for their uniforms. What are most common ensembles you come across, and what do they say about the species of skater?
“The obvious are Dickies—double-cuffed (at least)—and some form of sneaker. The popular choices are Nike, Converse, or Vans. This is your pretty standard skater. They honestly don’t care how they look this is just how they’ve always dressed.
“I think when they get into dressing with brands like Dime, Sci-Fi Fantasy, Fucking Awesome, or even Palace that’s the next level skater. That’s the skater that isn’t gonna text back. It’s not that they necessarily think they look cool, but there is more of an effort there for sure. Anything Carhartt—no specific species here, they just wanna stay warm in the winter. Not the hats, though, but for some reason I see a lot of non-skater girls wearing those. The necessities, such as fanny packs and carabiners, are just little add-ons to these outfits.”
What is the most overrated skater outfit?
“Double-cuffed black dickies with the navy slip on vans. The most basic of all basic.”
How would one best ‘fake’ a skater look without actually skating?
“Urban Outfitters has taken all the looks and overpriced them, or if you actually care, you can go to any L Train Vintage and get a pair of Dickies. No need to spend $60 at Urban—that’s just embarrassing.”
You recently claimed puffer jackets to be the female version of the tiny hats, are there any other equivalents you can think of?
“The cool thing about the ‘skater look’ is that it’s pretty unisex. Dickies, sneakers, a tiny hat, and a fanny Pack can be worn by anyone. But whenever I make fun of women’s fashion, I’m making fun of myself and what I wear. So it’s pretty biased.”
What does any skater worth their salt need in their closet?
“A lot of socks. Also, probably shoes that are a size or two too small because, you know, they need to be tight for skating.”
What is the biggest visual turn off when meeting a skater?
“Dirty fingernails (see UTI meme to explain).”
Are cuffed pants and tiny hats here to stay? What’s up next?
“It’s so hard to say. I don’t think the baggy beanie is ever coming back after this. As for Dickies, they’re timeless and will never go away. I think the evolution of the tiny hat is that weird brimless baseball hat, but I don’t think those will last long. But normcore will never go out of style as long as ‘normal every day people’ wear these items of clothing.”
Why should we date — or avoid — dating skaters in three words?
“Avoid in three words: No texts back. Or: broke, lazy, unreliable.”