Everything Scott Disick’s Triggering Shoe Collection Will Remind You Of

Oh, lord [Disick]. Just when you thought the reality star, house flipper, professional ex-boyfriend of Kourtney Kardashian, and current boyfriend of a baby Richie might have felt like it was time to settle down, he goes on and creates his own clothing label (Talentless—get it?), which means it’s time for a GQ profile.

The feature is a very flattering take on Disick and his extensively-documented flaws. Disick appears relatable, likeable, even pitiable. The photos portray the ‘Lord’ as down-to-earth, a minimal maximalist, a man of simple-yet-expensive tastes. And then there’s the photo (which has since been removed from the piece) of his Chelsea boot collection. We must apply a trigger warning to this image because of all the bad dates and inordinately arrogant bros it connotes.


That’s right, and the Chelsea boot collection may not even have ended here. There may have been more pairs, and not just in tan but in suedes of different colors. Rows and rows of boots that say “Hey—Darren from Vimeo, I’m on the list,” “Nah, we weren’t seeing each other, I just hit it, like, twice,” and “Oh yeah, we gotta smoke sometime, bro.”


The Chelsea boot has morphed into something else entirely—a symbol, if you will, for the overindulged white man with intimacy issues. He’s a sales coordinator at VICE, the CEO and founder of an organic seaweed chip start-up, the guy who has “vinyl and tequila connoisseur—not the type of guy to introduce to your parents” in his Tinder bio. The Chelsea boot, I’d venture to say, is the slogan tee of the 2010s. So in honor of Scott Disick’s most disturbing collection, here are all the things his shoes might remind you of:


1. That ‘mixologist’ you regrettably dated who has shoulder-length hair and a proclivity for felt hats.


2. “Ugh, it’s raining?! I checked the weather app like three times it SAID it was clear.”


3. Bespoke Westworld cosplay.


4. That one AllSaints employee.


5. “I moved to Williamsburg in like, 2005, before it was gentrified.”


6. Dylan Sprouse.


7. Mead-makers (see number six).


8. Your “hip” boss who boasts to have partied with Leonardo DiCaprio once. 


9. Your mimosa-brunch-loving and still hashtagging friend’s boyfriend. 


10. Any 35+ man in Silverlake or Williamsburg.


Let us pour one out.


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